A.J. woke from a restless sleep to discover he was alone. They had arrived at the hotel and Nick had opted to let him sleep, leaving a bodyguard on duty outside the bus.

He checked in, showered and joined the other guys for breakfast. Howie kicked a chair out for him, Brian passed him some coffee and he started a mock fight with Kevin over the newspaper. Nick horsed around with Brian, helped Howie with the crossword and spent ten minutes undoing Kevn's cornrows.

"I can't believe you slept with these in!" he scolded, gently moving his fingers through long, dark hair. "Don't you have a headache or anything?"

A.J. found himself watching those fingers, remembering them rubbing playfully at his own short hair. He had been up almost an hour and all he'd heard from Nick was "Hi." What was going on?

Nick caught him staring, held his gaze for an instant before resuming his task. The calm look said all. There was no tension there, just patience. Nick was giving him space until he decided on a response. Since when could he read Nick with a look? The situation was messed up. With a capital M-E-S-S.

A.J. excused himself early and went to find his mom. Denise was talking to some fans in the lobby. After he'd signed a few autographs, she was more than happy to have a mother-son chat.

"This is about Nick?" she asked astutely, once they were safely in her room.

"How..."

"You spent the night on his bus, Alex." she reminded him, amused.

"Right. Unusual. Got it." A.J. nodded, knowing he wasn't making much sense. "Uh... he..." He sat down with a sigh. "Hetoldmehesinlovewithme."

"Ahhh," was the soft response. A.J. stared.

"You knew?"

"He's never said anything as such," Denise told him. "But over the last year... we all noticed. Why do you think he and Howie got so close?"

"I was starting to think Howie got a clue while I wasn't looking..." But no. His best friend and the guy who was in love with him bonded. "They were worried about me."

At her nod, he pressed on. "Who else knows, or thinks they do?"

"Howie, Brian, Kevin, Leighanne, one or two of the bodyguards. That's all."

"This is beyond weird."

"Is it?" The tone was maybe a little sharper than she'd meant it. Denise was his mother but she was also the Backstreet Den Mother. She loved Nick too.

"It's Nick. The idea isn't repulsive or anything, but this is the kid I used to give piggybacks to."

"He might have had a crush on you back then."

"Mom! He was thirteen!"

"Don't tell me you didn't have any crushes at thirteen, Alex McLean," his mother laughed. "I was there."

"It's Nick!" he insisted.

She returned to seriousness. "Then you're going to let him down, gently?"

"I..." A.J. realised he hadn't actually thought of saying no. "I'm confused."

A.J. had plenty of other things to focus on throughout the day, so the nagging feeling that something was missing didn't slow him down too much. Every so often it would hit him that Nick was giving him space. Nick couldn't keep his hands off people he trusted for more than half an hour. This was going on all day. It must be driving Nick crazy. It was driving A.J. up the wall.

At about eight that evening, he finally snapped, grabbed Nick by the shoulder and hauled him into an empty room.

"So?" Nick's voice was casual, but A.J. saw a pinprick of hope in his eyes.

"I'm not sure yet," he admitted. "It's a new idea for me, Nick. But I wanted to ask you some stuff."

Nick crossed his arms, leaning against the wall.

"Better make it fast," he warned. Even this deep in the arena, they could hear the first explosion of Sisquo's pyrotechnics.

"Look... um... Mom has this crazy idea... that maybe you had a crush on me when we started the band." A.J. studied his fingernails. "It didn't... like... this isn't that old, right?"

"Not quite." Nick smiled fondly, remembering. "I was sixteen before I was sure. But... you remember that one kiss? The one we never talked about?"

"Sort of," he refused to look up from these fascinating fingernails. Yes he had sort of been obsessing over that one stunning moment from six years ago.

"I guess you could say that was me trying to figure things out."

"That's a long time, man. I'd go nuts. How did you not go nuts? Why haven't you moved on? Or attacked me? Or something."

"At first, well. You all thought of me as the baby, and I wasn't legal either. So I knew I had no chance then. Later, there were other people in my life. Mandy.."

"Nick, you're not bi. Mandy doesn't count."

"We had sex a couple of times," Nick protested, but the look on his face said volumes. "I've had one nighters just like everyone else.... plus of course, my platonic affair with Howie."

They both rolled their eyes at that one.

"Honestly, if Howie would even pretend he was bi, I might go for him. But I'm not holding my breath."

"Yeah, me either." It struck A.J. that there was a history to this relationship, even though it hadn't really started. "I still don't get why you're waiting for me."

Nick shrugged, fixing him with a look. "You're worth it."

That was... subject change. "What happens..." he held out his hands in a calming gesture, "I'm not saying I am, but what happens if I say no?"

Nick closed his eyes at the thought. "I don't know. I don't... have the right? to do anything. Probably things would be tense. I'd get over it."

A.J. wasn't sure if it was his ego or something deeper that protested violently at the idea Nick would get over him.

"So, no pressure?"

Nick's eyes were dark, but he nodded. "No pressure."

"What if..." the idea scared him but he kept talking anyway. "What if I want there to be pressure?"

Nick froze.

A.J. pushed on, explaining. "You've been giving me space all day, and I miss you already. But that's all the normal me-and-you stuff. I don't know how to wrap my head around the... uh... rest."

The mixture of terror and desire in Nick's face would have been funny if he hadn't been so terrified himself.

"You..." It came out a croak. Nick swallowed and tried again. "You want me to seduce you?"

A.J. nodded, not trusting himself to say anything intelligent.

Genuine panic swam in those eyes. They turned brilliant with fear and A.J.couldn't help wondering if someone had wandered in with a Paint program. "But what if... you don't...fuck!" Nick's hand slapped against the concrete wall. "That's completely unfair, Alex."

Every answer running through his head was sarcastic or teasing. He held his peace. Nick walked out muttering to himself.

A.J. had expected Nick to think about it for a few days. Maybe plan something out the way he used to plan pranks. He didn't expect Nick to do anything onstage. And if he had expected something onstage, it would have been something like what Nick usually did with Howie. Casual touches. Kisses that looked like he was kidding. Some singing together. Harmless stuff you knew meant more. Nick's sexuality on stage was painted in such broad strokes it was often bordering on corny, so he made the quiet moments matter more.

He had forgotten... why did he keep forgetting these things... that Nick had grown up to be a naturally sexual person. That the reason Nick was almost a caricature of sexiness onstage was because he was actually thinking about being sexy. Onstage that night, he wasn't thinking about being sexy. He was thinking of what he wanted to do to A.J..

At first it wasn't anything overt. Instead of catching Nick in gazes that meant "You're special", he turned around to see Nick thinking "You're mine." Instead of the casual handslap as they passed each other onstage, A.J. suddenly had a large, calloused hand sliding down his forearm. During a costume change, Nick's finger happened to trace his cheekbone. While they sat on the boxes listening to Brian sing "Quit Playing Games", that same finger stroked the back of his neck. Then....

Only when he started to go into the bit did it occur to A.J. that he'd encouraged someone who was supposed to start a striptease in front of him to seduce him. When Nick cozied up to him to inform him that the outfits they had on were just fine, it was likely that no one in the audience understood the reply.

"Oh, I'm in trouble now."

Unlike other nights, Nick started off slow. "Why A.J., I know you like showing off. And this clause in the contract lets you do just that."

The belt was no longer on Nick's waist. It was on... A.J.'s neck?

Thumb rubbing small circles on his shoulder while Nick asked the crowd. "You know what it says?"

The audience probably roared its approval as usual. A.J. was too busy watching Nick toy with the hem of his first top. "That's right. How'd you know that?" The grin he gave A.J. was wicked. "We gotta change onstage."

"Nobody wants to see that, Nick!" Howie warned. Nick paid no attention and yanked the baby blue top up.

A.J.'s first reaction was surprise. It wasn't the most seductive move in the world. In fact it was awkward. In fact... Nick somehow got himself stuck. It was hilarious.

Then, in the most innocent, I'm-a-dope voice possible, Nick announced. "Uh... Bone? Uh... I think I'm stuck. Help a brother out?"

A.J. looked around wildly. As planned, everyone else was pretending disgust at Nick's antics and he was obviously the only one who could help. Which meant he had to touch hot, sweaty Nick and his nice, muscled arms. Nick was turned on. Not a raging hard-on yet but definitely aroused. The mental pictures started.

He wondered how long Nick had known A.J. had fantasies about sex onstage.

When Nick "tripped" on the catwalk and landed on top of A.J, he started wondering how long Nick had had fantasies about sex onstage... with him.

"You make a nice pillow, Aje" he commented to the fans, before finally getting up. There really was no reply to that.

Nick's crowning moment came when they were supposed to get A.J. to end his solo riff. Nick was supposed to send Howie over to shut him up. This time, he felt Nick's eyes on him through the entire song. By the point where Howie was supposed to interrupt him, Nick had been undressing A.J. with his eyes for at least half a minute. The heat he'd been feeling all over spiked when warm breath tickled his ear.

"Oh... Alex." Nick breathed, pressing up against him from behind. He was just short of moaning and the crowd probably thought he was playing it up to be funny. Nick's fingers found A.J.'s stomach and he knew it was anything but. Hot and heavy, and, the audience notwithstanding, just for him. "Don't... stop!"

"Have you flipped your lid, man?" Howie demanded, playing clown as he pushed Nick away and went into his bit. A.J. wasn't sure he got the lines right.

When A.J. slammed Nick against the wall, devouring him in the first hungry, frantic kiss, most onlookers labelled A.J. the agressor. A.J., with Nick sucking desperately at his tongue, strong arms pulling him tight to Nick's body, knew Nick was claiming his own.

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