Nick looked up at his house and sighed when Lina's impression of it swam up from his memory. A house to fit the image, far too big for two people. For the first time since Friday, he didn't want Lina there with him. He rang the doorbell.
Mandy opened the door almost immediately, looking apprehensive. She had every right to be worried. "Hi."
"Hi," he responded. They stood there staring at each other, the spectre of what was going to happen hanging over them.
Eventually, Mandy remembered it was actually Nick's house. "Come in," she invited with a nervous laugh. He entered without comment, not stopping until he made it to the living room couch.
"You said you wanted to talk," she prompted.
"Yeah." He ran his fingers through his hair, still wondering how to break it to her. Truth works - it's kinda therapeutic, his own words to A.J. echoed in his head. "Look, this is hard to say. You're not going to want to hear it either."
"I was right," she interrupted, tight-lipped. "You're sleeping around on me."
"No." For the first time, he looked her straight in the eye. The truth was going to hurt her, but if she was going to be hurt, he didn't want it to be because she misunderstood. "I'm not, Mandy. I am here to say that I can't go on with this anymore, but I'm not sleeping around."
She had been expecting it, but she still went pale. "Is it because I..."
"It's nothing you did. It's... I put you in a bad situation when we met and it's going to get worse soon. I care enough about you to want you out of the way of the fallout."
"I can handle the fans, Nick."
"It's not them. You at least knew about them." He took a breath. She wasn't going to like this one bit. "When we started going out, you were the first person in a long time I thought I could fall in love with." He had told her that years ago. She nodded, remembering.
"The problem is, even back then, I was already in love with someone else." Mandy began to chew her bottom lip, a sure sign she was upset. "I was trying to forget her when I met you, or at least forget her as more than a friend. And sometimes, you really did make me forget." Small comfort. "But I..."
"She finally said yes to her little puppy dog?" The words were meant to hurt and they hit deeper than Mandy knew. Nick closed his eyes, struggling to remain in control.
"No," he managed a quiet but fairly even voice. "I lost her, even as a friend. And it hit me - I don't love you, Mandy. Once I thought I could. I care about you a lot, we've had some really good times... but I don't love you and that's not fair to either of us."
"Very noble of you," she mocked. "Use me and lose me when it doesn't work."
He didn't have the energy to fight back. He'd always known that if things ended with her for good, they'd end badly. "I know."
"If you really cared for me, why even tell me this? Why let me know I was always the consolation prize? Why not just tell me you were sleeping around??"
When psychic culture meets the real world, things always get messy. One of Lina's oldest lectures popped into his head and Nick couldn't take any more. Knowing it was dumb and cruel, he stood up and walked out, slamming the door behind him. He made it to his car before the tears began again.
Almost simultaneously, his cell phone rang. He only picked it up because he knew it was A.J..
"Nick, what happened?" the worried voice over the phone, the obvious sympathy just made it all worse. He was too upset to talk, and the pain became worse knowing it was the kind only Lina could understand. "Nick?"
Only hearing sobs, and feeling Nick's pain overflowing A.J. started to get frantic. Keeping Nick on his home line, he pulled out his own cell and dialed Mindi's number. "Call one of Nick's friends," he barked before she could even say hello. "The kind who can get to him *now*."
There was a moment of static on Nick's line, then the sound of someone else taking the phone. A male voice with a European accent said, "I've got it, Alex. If nothing else, he's safe with me."
"Where are you? I want to be there," he insisted. Psychic team or not, he knew when Nick needed his Backstreet family.
"It's not your decision this time." Jacob hung up the phone. Nick was going to need his family, but first he was going to need help only psychics could give. Hang in there Nick. Just a few more minutes. First, you need to be somewhere else than here.
One of the big advantages to being a teleport, Jacob reflected, was the ability to go places fast. A quick SEP field around the car, a glance at the mental map of Nick's favourite places, a little push and they were parked on his favourite beach. Jacob sent the car to Mindi's place, not sure A.J. was ready to try being an anchor just yet.
Never one for crying much, Nick was soon just sitting silently on the beach, staring out at the waves. It was the middle of spring, but still a little chilly for a day at the beach. It didn't seem to bother him, though. Jacob sat next to him, waiting.
"I need to talk," Nick finally admitted. It was getting dark, Jacob could just see the outlines of his teammate's face. His jaw was set, his back rigid. "I need to say stuff out loud, get it out."
The moon began to rise and still Jacob waited.
"I can't say it to you, Jacob."
"You have to let something out, Nick. Soon." The contrast between Jacob's heavily accented, a little too-perfect spoken English and the blunt, slang-ridden language he used in telepathy made Nick smile a little, but his mind drifted back to the topic eventually.
"It won't work unless I say it to her."
"What stops you?"
"I can't find the words yet. She reads into things too much. I need the right words."
"You can't let out even a little?" his friend pleaded.
"Who's helping *her*, Jacob?"
A shrug, hidden in the darkness. "I don't know. No one, I suppose. She builds walls, you remember."
"I broke down all her walls once," Nick whispered. He tried to stop the memory, but it came rushing in on him anyway.
Three years after his emergence, Nick was still working with Lina. She was his teacher, his mentor, his teammate, but more, she was his friend. In stolen moments, they hung out in real life, having deep talks as well as joke-filled hours. Most of the time, it was Nick who came to Lina. She simply had less people in her life, and much more time to herself.
One of those stolen moments came in April. Long past needing an anchor to enter Lina's room, Nick barely checked that she was alone before teleporting in. The sight that met his eyes shocked him.
He'd never seen Lina when she was hurt. She built up a complicated series of sheilds around her mind, and usually one of the walls would simply slide up and shut out whatever was bothering her from the rest of the world. The general impression was that Lina was an ice queen, a real bitch, even if she was very good at what she did. Nick had learned otherwise, but still looked up to her as someone stronger than most, who understood his problems but never really had any of her own.
Now, she was sprawled out on her bed, hugging her pillow. The tears stood in her eyes, yet to be shed. But emotionally, he could feel hurt rolling off her like waves.
"Lina?"
Another shock, she hadn't even realised he'd come in. Her head jerked up, her eyes wide. A wall shot up, replacing the hurt with prickly annoyance, but he knew better now. He sat down on a corner of the bed. "What's wrong?"
She stared at him mutely. He put a hand out to her shoulder. She flinched but he insisted. The first wall slid down again and he felt her pain. It was as if the whole world was wrong and finding the words to tell him, even telepathically, would make it collapse completely.
Nick felt helpless, and so young. Lina never made him feel the three year age difference, but he felt it now, and more. There seemed to be no way to make it better. He pulled her into his arms, supporting her as best he could. She was still a little taller than he was.
"Please Lina, tell me how to help?" The worst part was the naggingly familiar feeling of her pain. It was the pain of rejection, of alienation. "What happened?" he persisted. Another wall slid down and she let herself cry.
Encouraged, he pushed in further, finding ways over, under, around, through the barriers until he got deep enough in that verbal telepathy was unneccessary. To his probing, sympathetic feelings he got a response, a memory so clear it was as if he'd been there. A memory of words said in hasty anger to a younger girl in Drama club at school. The apology had been swift, but so had repercussions. Friends, not-so-close friends, a teacher, her parents had all descended upon her with lectures and angry words, words that seemed to confirm many secret fears. She had worked so hard to get respect on that stage. There was a performance coming and how was she supposed to direct when everyone hated her? When she hated herself?
But what he learned didn't stop at the answer to his questions. An explosion of feelings, memories, knowledge... her whole soul spread out before him, washed over him. For the first time he understood everything, all the whys. He understood he could help, and give her the answers she needed. Without thinking, he let her into his own mind, showing her what she was to him, how much their time together meant. No matter what they thought of her she was not the horrible person she thought she was. And then he couldn't stop it either - she was in his mind and knew whatever she wanted to know about him. It was terrifying, it was intoxicating... it was so *right*.
Back from the depths of memory, Nick reached out again, caressed her mind in a wordless plea for entrance. When no answer was forthcoming, he turned to the nearest mind open to him - Jacob's and let his emotions, if not his reasons or memories, pour out in a seemingly endless flood.