"I don't want you to leave me."
As he heard the words spoken, Nick accepted the decision he had already made. He sent Brian back to his hotel room and pulled Lina to her feet.
"I'm not going anywhere," he told her, wrapping his arms loosely about her waist. She pushed against him, but he refused to let go. She glared and teleported a few feet away.
"You don't *get* it Nick! If you die, I'll be just as alone!"
"A few days ago you were saying it would be better if I was dead," he pointed out calmly. Now that he knew what he was going to do, everything seemed to make perfect sense.
"Don't throw that back in my face!"
"Why not? " Nick pushed the button just a little harder. "You meant it, you know you did. And I said the same thing when I first found out you'd gone, or did you miss that part when you got caught up on my memories?"
She glossed over the verbal slap and concentrated on defending herself. "Wishing you were dead and wishing I'd killed you are..."
"The same thing." He watched the disbelief on her face. He wasn't supposed to say things like that. "You want me dead. Deep down, you can't forgive me for all my shit, and you know it. *That* is why you don't want to go through with it, because a tiny part of you *wants* me dead and you know you won't be able to control the impulse."
"You're lying." The idea infuriated her. An empty box shredded itself. He wondered how she could be so sure when they were still linked at some level. "You're standing there and *lying* to my face!"
"Am I? Come on! I *left* you. I couldn't break through a lousy mental block *Suzanne* put up?" Nick needled. He began dredging up everything he could think of. "I've slept around on you, I had a *girlfriend* for *years*! I only *really* started listening to you when it looked like you were gone forever, I've made you put up with every tantrum, every mood, you were my fucking shoulder to cry on anytime I ever broke up with another girl...and I when you presented me with this huge challenge, I actually had to think about it before saying "Yes, I love you that much." How can you not hate me somewhere deep down there? How do I know there's not *another* layer you're hiding from me for my own good?" He stepped back, a little, watching her boil. It was like being in the calm of the storm
"Because I love you, you dumbass!" Lina screamed. The house shook on its foundations and Nick knew it was about to work. "You've been trying to get me to *trust* you and now you turn around and say you think I want to murder you? Nickolas Gene Carter you are *fucked up*!" A poster on the wall behind her burst into flames.
"That was anti-climactic," he remarked dryly. He let it burn until Lina had turned around to see it, then stilled the flames. She stared at the damage she had caused.
"I lost it," she murmured. "I completely lost it. You *made* me lose it." Realisation dawned.
Nick approached her and put his hands on her shoulders. "You don't want to hurt me," he said softly. "You didn't even realise you were doing that but you didn't hit anywhere near me."
"Did you really think..." she wouldn't turn around to meet his eyes, wouldn't risk finding out telepathically.
"It was a tiny fear," he admitted. He couldn't have pushed her buttons so well if it had been a lie. "You're the master of repression and who knows that better than me? And you know sometimes I think of all the crap you put up with and wonder why you don't hate me."
"But you still wanted to go through with it?"
He turned her around, forcing her to hold his gaze, and diving deep into her mind, reinforcing the truth of his answer. "Yes."
"Martyr." She studied Nick for a moment."I'm still scared."
"Me too." He didn't question the lack of telepathy - the spoken words seemed to fill a gap.
This time it was her arms snaking around his waist. "I love you."
"I know," silently acknowledging it was the first time she'd really said it to him and how much it meant to both of them. "I love you too."
"It's not necessarily going to stop me from bringing the house down on top of both of us..." she laughed nervously.
"We'll think of something." He pulled her a little closer.
"You really think we can do this?"
"I'm nuts, I know." Decided to push one more button. "You do too. You've dreamt about it."
"That doesn't count..."
"Admit it," he bent and whispered in her ear. "You never really gave up on us."
"You know," her voice was soft, her breath tickling his neck, "you're going to be even more annoying when you're in my head all the time."
They stood that way for entire minutes, just breathing. Inhaling each other, saying volumes beyond words, holding on to each other mentally and physically as if it was the first time they'd touched. For the first time there was no hidden fear, no looming shadow. The fear was present, and shared, and diminished. The love was there with it,out in the open and finally undeniable. Time stopped.
And then Nick sighed.
We have to think about this. Lina said for him. It sucks, but we actually have to plan this
Let me?
You have an idea?
Don't ask! I never get to surprise you again.
Huge loss, I'm sure. You need me to go?
Go home for a while. Try not to listen in. I'll come get you.
You realise it's the middle of the afternoon?
Like it matters? His eyes burned into hers again and she conceded the point.
As soon as Lina had disappeared, Nick took himself off to California.
Before the store could even come fully into focus, the bluster of an old man's voice came to Nick's ears.
"Who the hell's that?" an old black man exploded, emerging from the back of the tiny shop.
"Nice to see you too, Sebastien."
"Nick, as I live and breathe! You are the *last* person I'd expect in this dingy old place." His brown eyes twinkled. "Last I heard, you and your ladyfriend were gettin' yourself into trouble in Canada."
"We're always in trouble," Nick pointed out with a shrug. It was true too - the most powerful psychics either attracted trouble or got pulled in to help others in *their* trouble.
"Well?" Sebastien asked in conspiratorial fashion. "I can see you ain't done it yet, but are you close?"
"That's why I'm here," Nick admitted. "I need some help."
"I don't think a love charm is going to work on the likes of her." Sebastien owned a magick shop. Occasionally he could be called on for supplies when working on some project or other.
"I don't need a love charm!" Nick laughed. "I need candles. And advice."
"Got both of *those* in plenty. Let me get the candles and then we'll see about advice. Anything in particular in mind?"
"Um... pillar candles?" he thought about the room he had in mind. "Forty or fifty, maybe?"
"Box of pillar candles." They appeared on the counter, having been whisked up from downstairs. "I guessed vanilla."
"You didn't guess anything." Vanilla was Lina's favourite scent and Nick had been considering getting scented candles.
"True enough. Should I ring this up, or will the advice include more purchases?"
"It might. Tell me, Sebastien... what can you make with fire?"
Lina decided not to go home. There weren't enough distractions, she'd only be sitting and waiting. Instead, after a side trip to get "my last meal", she settled herself on a bench in one of her favourite places.
It had been a ravine before she was born. The city had sold it to developers on the condition that original rocks and plants be used in the landscaping. So, with her back to the resulting condominiums, Lina sat in the shade of an ancient weeping willow, watching a duck swim past the waterfall. If she listened very carefully, she could hear the traffic from the street above, but she preferred not to listen.
Remember the first time I brought you here?
Lina sighed and teleported into Nick's backyard, ready for another fight. It had been two weeks since his emergence and he still resisted the idea of learning. The moment she arrived, she knew today was going to be different. Nick was waiting for her.
"I'm sick of this," he announced. "I got chains on me all the time. What c'n I do, if you take 'em off?"
"You really want to know?" she grinned. At his hesitant nod, she took his hand. "Okay then."
She pulled him with her to the condos down the street from her house. He shook his head a little, as if clearing water from his ears.
"Where are we?"
"My neighbourhood." She sat down on the bench. "Toronto."
"How far..."
She pulled an atlas out of a bookcase in her house and into her hands, ignoring the young boy's surprise. After a moment, she found the map of North America. "You're about there. I'm up here. It's five or six hours by plane."
"You're not even breathing hard!"
"I'm not standing, either," she pointed out. "But yet, I'll be okay in a minute or two."
"And psychics can..."
"Not all psychics. But you can learn - you've got enough power. That's why you're stuck with me instead of someone local."
"Cool!" For the first time since she'd met him, Lina saw Nick Carter smile.
I got addicted to those real fast.
As she pulled herself out of the memory, Lina witnessed another of those smiles as Nick stood before her. It was different from the first, gentle, a little tentative. She matched it and stood up.
Guess it's time?