Wearing jeans, a baby tee, more makeup than she was used to, contacts, no hearing aid and the pass A.J. had left at the door for her, Lina blended into the crowd. The disguise was a substitute for the usual SEP field. While those were wonderful to hide from most people, announcing, "This is so bizarre, let someone else notice it instead" tended to get the attention of psychics and it was the psychics in particular Lina was avoiding. She pulled her personality deep inside, away from casual notice, leaving a psychic void around herself.
Hidden as best as she could manage, she watched. Nick looked happy enough, but she recognized from his expression that he was using the energy of the fans in the room and outside to keep up appearances. Which meant he wasn't all right. Which still didn't mean much.
The problem of the "missing" two months kept rearing its ugly head every time she wanted to believe it was *all* her fault. It was entirely possible, she reasoned, that Nick was only mourning what he thought they'd had. Like a man imprisoned for too many years, the open cell was a foreign concept, and the light hurt his eyes. And he *was* getting on with life.
So are you, she reminded herself, and you still want him back.
She kept moving through the crowd, staying away from Mindi, A.J. and Nick. Even if she wanted to talk to him (A.J. was right, she conceded, she should have had the decency to talk to him) where could it happen? It was too public here, his hotel room too private. If he decided to take the initiative and showed up at her front door it would raise extra problems they didn't need.
Dammit Alex, did you *have* to open this can of worms? she sighed, departing.
A.J. stopped mid-sentence. Nick was so shocked he actually called out. "Lina!"
"Where?" Howie demanded, as an impertinent fan asked;
"Who's Lina?"
"I thought I..."
...saw her?" Howie interrupted quickly, afraid Nick was about to say something he shouldn't. "You just miss her too much Nicky."
"I guess so..." Nick slowly realised he was in public. "Sorry." He looked at the fan in front of him and the CD he was holding. "What's your name again?"
"Ellen. Who's Lina?" she persisted.
"My girlfriend," he explained, absently signing the CD. "Enjoy the show."
"But I thought..." Nick was gone, making a beeline for A.J.
You can't beat me up in public, A.J. warned nervously.
Sure I can, Alex. Think of the free publicity!
I was only trying to help, I swear! I didn't even know she was here until I heard her.
And why was she talking to you?
A.J. marveled at how good an actor Nick really was as Nick clapped him on the back in a friendly manner and pretended to say something in his ear.
I kinda... I invited her.
Nick, Mindi cut in, Alex's still no good at two things at once. Take this in private now or leave it till after the show.
Nick stepped back, giving A.J. a long hard look.
Don't be mad, I'll tell you everything.
Okay Alex, later.
It wasn't one of the Boys' least tension-filled shows. A.J. was still nervous around Nick, Nick wasn't sure what to think, but was definitely in a bad mood, and Howie, Brian and Kevin didn't really know what was going on at all.
As they left the stage for the final time, Brian passed the word around. "Y'all are gonna be in my room twenty minutes after we get back, clear?"
When everyone had arrived, Brian took charge. "I ordered pizza, I want to see all cell phones on top of the TV. No one is leaving or talking to anyone outside this room until we are done."
Silently A.J., Kevin, Howie and Nick turned off their cell phones and placed them on top of Brian's TV. Arguing with Brian in this mood was just stupid.
"Nick, explain to me why a disappearing redhead has you on the warpath and A.J. scared of his own shadow."
"You saw her? Then she *was* actually here!" Nick glared at A.J. " That was Lina."
"The explanation for everything these days," Howie groaned. "We still haven't had that talk, Nick."
"One thing at a time," Brian ordered. "What did she do, Nick?"
"I think you'd better ask A.J. that." Nick continued glaring.
"Nickolas..." Brian warned, but A.J. cut him off.
"He's right." All eyes turned to him, adding to Nick's disconcerting blue stare. "Lina was here because... Nick you're taking too damn long. The longer you put it off the harder it gets, and the worse both of you feel. You needed a push. So I got on the internet and looked her up."
"*What*?" A.J. was suddenly pinned against the nearest wall, struggling to breathe.
"Frack, put him *down*!" Brian yelled.
A.J. coughed as he slid slowly to the floor. "Jesus Christ, Nick."
"On the internet??" Nick raved, "You *stalked* her? Besides breaking one of the *main* rules of the community you must have completely freaked her out. You have no idea what you did."
"I'm regretting it already," A.J. grumbled. "Look, *she* didn't beat me up."
"And remember Howie," Kevin pointed out.
"Oh yes, let's all remember Howie," Howie muttered. "He's likely to just pass out at any second, really."
"Nickolas, get a hold of yourself," Brian commanded, ignoring the others. "It's bad enough you're falling to pieces over this girl, but when you take it out on the rest of us...it's gotta stop."
"What is this, an intervention?"
"If it needs to be, yes."
"If I finish the story, will I live?" A.J. inquired sarcastically.
Nick rolled his eyes and fell back on the bed, but he was still listening.
"Right, uh...I didn't want to just e-mail her, too easy to delete and forget about it, so I found her home address. I told her Nick was messed up and that if," he paused, this part was important. "If she cared about him the way he wants her to, she'd show up." Nick didn't move but A.J. thought he might have felt a faint ray of hope from the younger man. "Then I mailed the letter, and put her name on the guest list for the tour. I guess she showed up tonight."
"Why did she leave?" Kevin frowned.
"Dunno. Scared, maybe? She sounded kinda sad."
""Dammit Alex, did you *have* to open this can of worms?"" A.J. started and the rest of them turned to stare at Nick, who had imitated Lina's voice precisely."She's confused. And what the hell made you think there would be a way for us to talk backstage before a show, Bonehead?"
"I thought, y'know...telepathy?"
"She doesn't want to touch my mind with a ten-foot pole. Just that broadcast told me more than she probably wants me to know."
"Are you sure?" Howie objected.
"Shut up, D."
"Oh come on. Aje gave her a great opening to appear, "accidentally" let you know she was there and tug on your heartstrings again. You'd fall for it."
"You have no idea what you're talking about."
"And you haven't done anything to help me understand. We've been on the road a week, Nicky. Admit it, you're scared I'm right."
"*You* drag up a memory that explains to all of us why *Claudia* isn't a manipulative bitch."
"What are you implying, Carter?" he shot back in a very dangerous tone. Nick sighed and sat up to look at him.
"I'm *implying* it's not that easy. You look back at some of our memories, she's controlling me - or teaching me, depending on how you look at it. She's encouraging me to get on with life and not dwell on the fucked-up thing that is our relationship - or she's guilting me into never really leaving her. She wants me to reach for my dreams with open eyes, and avoid bastards like Pearlman - or she just wants to be the only one in control. I can't *describe* stuff like that to you, D. The difference between one side and the other side is knowing her, knowing how she feels."
"How does she feel?"
"Confused. Hurt, scared, hopeful. She doesn't want to hurt me, but she thinks she's doing the right thing."
"You got all that from one sentence?" Even A.J. was skeptical.
"Dammit." A pillow flew across the room, exploded into a storm of feathers. "You're never gonna get it."
"We're *trying*, Nick. You're not exactly making it easy on any of us." Brian pointed out, more gently than he had been all night. "You're acting like you got left at the altar or something. You're our little bro - we want to protect you from feeling worse. Except for Mr. Cupid-with-Tattoos over there, of course."
A shadow came and went over Nick's face. A.J. had seen or felt that look plenty of times over the last fortnight. It was the "Lina" look. Nick was wishing he could talk to her about something yet again. "What would she say?"
"Huh?"
"Lina. You just did that thing again. What were you thinking she would say?"
"I was just..." Nick shook his head. "She protected me too."
Howie snorted and found himself on the recieving end of one of Nick's glares.
"Control again, right Howie? The idea that sometimes I needed protecting from you guys is insane? That sometimes you might push that button a little too hard, tease me just a little too long until I need someone else to remind me I'm not a complete idiot?"
The shocked silence in the room seemed to calm him down a little. He started playing with the bedspread. "I know you're only kidding, but sometimes..." Nick shrugged helplessly. "She knew how to get me over it."