Dear Diary,
It's me - I'm back again. Needed something to focus on for a while, need to think.
Well, it's over and it's just beginning. Listen to me, I sound like a bad novel. I can't help it. Nothing's the same and nothing's changed, all at once. It's confusing, definitely weird and a little scary.
Scariest is the question, "What happens next?". Nick's talking to the guys right now - they're all pretty upset and confused. I think they're going to end up deeply suspicious of me. Nick says we'll work through it. We will. They care about him, so do I. End of story.
Our families - completely different story. The Carter kids will be easiest. They've always had their suspicions and with the twins ready to emerge any day now, we'll end up telling the other two anyway. Leslie will put me through hoops to make sure I'm worthy of Nick. Neither of us are entirely sure B.J.'s gonna believe us. The parental units...
Gotta say, I'm glad there's no reason to tell my parents. They're going to take forever just adjusting to the idea of Nick, especially Dad. Changing their world view is not something I want to bother with right now. It means a lot of lying and sneaking around, but last time I checked that wasn't anything new for me. Sadly, I'm good at it.
Brian wants to know where I am. Guess he's going to forgive me for scaring the daylights out of him... eventually. I'm so glad - he is Nick's best friend and things have been tough for them since Nick came out. Hopefully I can help smooth things out instead of alienating them further from each other. In a weird way, he's my best friend too, as Nick points out. With his memories come all his emotional ties. I couldn't survive without those guys any better than Nick could. They're closer than either of our families.
Speaking of whom...we're going to have to work hard on a game plan for Nick's parents. Aaron's heavily supervised, young prince of pop that he is, and it's highly unlikely that they won't clue in fast. Nick's already talked to lawyers about the likelyhood of winning a custody battle for the twins, but we're hoping it won't get *that* bad. Fact is, they'll probably take most of it out on yours truly. That idea doesn't seem to cheer him up much.
Then there's the whole rest of our lives. Nick proposed, (ass-backwards as that is... like we were going to marry anyone ELSE after that? But sometimes you gotta say it out loud) but we won't even be able to ring shop until he's at least met my parents... and maybe dated for a few months... waiting game. I thought the waiting, being away from each other would be easier once we were so close on all the other levels. Very, very wrong. He's been in there for half an hour and I'm already missing him. Considering that Kevin is *still* ranting about me, I don't think now is a good time to pop in for a hug.
I suppose it would sound odd to some people if I said that the easiest solution would be for me to just drop everything and hop on the tour bus. Most of my life is so tied to the psychic community, I don't have any other career goals and I'm not very tied to any one place. Surrounded by people who know what's going on, with him constantly... it would make my life so much easier. No more unexplained days off work. No more "must go home, my parents think I'm still in Toronto".
Of course the press wouldn't buy the love-at-first-sight idea. Neither would my parents. Or the fans. And right now the guys wouldn't look too kindly on my presence 24-7 either. So, waiting again. Dammit.
There was a tentative knock on the door. Lina snapped her notebook shut and unlocked the door telekinetically. C'mon in Alex.
She heard the door shut behind him, followed by a long silence. Finally she sat up. "Yes?"
"Do you know what you two sound like?" A.J. asked, his eyes huge with wonder. "You sound exactly the same. If I close my eyes, it could be Nick sitting there, I couldn't tell."
"There are differences," she assured him. "You'll notice eventually."
The silence stretched again until Lina was tempted to just reach in and drag it out of him. Finally he spoke again. "You two scared the crap out of all of us."
"I know." To the others she might apologize. To a fellow psychic, there wasn't any point.
"It's going to take 'em some time. Specially Kevin."
Lina nodded. She knew all this, she'd heard the whole conversation, was still hearing it as Brian restrained Nick from going after Kevin with his fists.
"I just came to say... fuck 'em all."
She blinked. "Come again?"
"I don't like what you did, but I can't deny you *had* to. The results are staring me in the face." A.J. scuffed at the carpet. "I don't know what I'd do to get a chance at what you guys have now." He sighed and lifted his head to face her. "Fuck 'em. Fuck the press, fuck the guys, fuck the fans... anyone else who might say dumb stuff. Go pack. He's been away from you too long already."
Nick was so startled he lost track of what he was saying. Lina saw the confused looks on the others' faces as he asked, "Really?"
A.J. stared for a moment, hearing Nick's voice out of Lina's throat. "Uh... yeah."
"You're a hopeless romantic, Alex," Lina laughed. "It's not that easy."
"Why not?" he argued. "Nick's got the money, and no one's going to deny him, even if they think it's some crazy rock star whim."
"My parents..."
"Will get over it."
"Kevin..."
"Is being overprotective. I'm willing to bet you can be even worse with Nick than he is. Once he sees that he'll come around."
Please?
Dammit. I can't say no to you, Nickelodeon, not today.
Please? he repeated, completely aware of the truth in her statement.
Lina closed her eyes, biting her lip as she thought of all the crap that was about to hit the fan. Finally she nodded. "We've waited long enough."