Subject: Delete this
This is going to sound dumb, but I'll tell you anyway. I don't think I know how to live without them. Sometimes, when we're together on the bus, and they're all making plans for the next few days off, away from each other, I get lonely in advance. I don't even think they notice.
It's not like I *like* the fishbowl we live in when we're all together, but it's home. When I stop and think about it, that scares me. But home was a small place in New York, until we moved away. And then a bigger place in Ruskin... until my family moved away. Now, I have a big empty house. I have no *where* that's safe, except with the guys.
Of course I have a family, and I try my best to protect them, save them from the world that somehow I dragged them into. It's not my parents fault - all they're doing is letting the kids do what they see me doing... but sometimes I need somebody to lean on. When we're on tour, or in the studio, or promoting, I've got four somebodies.
Does any of this make sense?
Probably not. And you won't mention any of it in the next email, 'cause what is there to say, really?
But I like to think that someone out there knows what I'm thinking.
Date: October 5, 2001
From:< frack80@hotmail.com >
To:< pattyrisha@canada.com >
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