It takes Chris some ten or fifteen tries to dial all the way through Lance's number. And the first two times he does, he hangs up after the first ring. It's been a week since he kicked Justin out of his apartment and everything has been ashes since he did it. He'd tried to brush it off, and then tried to blame Justin, and too many hours after he heard his door slam he can forget none of what happened. He can't paint or sketch or even, his last resort, sculpt. Loud music gives him a headache and ballads set his teeth on edge. He hurts in places he thought he'd shut away long ago and his nose is a steady ache over the packing. He doesn't take any aspirin.

So calling Lance is a last resort 'cause he thinks maybe if he knows the kid's ok he can move on to some other emotion besides guilt, can get out of this hell he's been inhabiting. But it turns out he didn't stop being a coward after he made Justin leave. He's really, he reflects bitterly, always been a coward. And that fucks with his self-image, so,

"Hello."

"May I speak with Lance, please?"

His voice sounds muffled because of the nose, but he can still be nice and polite. The woman on the other end tells him to hold on "one minute," and then there's some muffled yelling and wrinkled clothing sounds before he gets an eager, "Hello?"

"Lance. Th-this is Chris."

"Chris?" He's surprised, and then carefully neutral. "What's up?"

"I'm. I'm trying to find Justin, actually." And he knows he's a minute from breaking the politesse he's managed to hold on to so far, to getting angry, and Lance doesn't deserve that?

"I haven't seen him in a week."

Chris starts to say thanks, hang up, then stops. Thinks. "But do you know where he is?" and that's more aggressive than he meant but Lance is dicking him around now.

"Why do you want to know, Chris?"

And every word out of Lance's mouth is calculated and he knows and Chris is halfway to just hanging up the phone 'coward, coward' He stops. Considers. And says, slowly, because this is truth being pulled out of him and he's all-unwilling.

"I'm worried. About him."

There's a sound on the other end that he can't make out and the silence that comes from covering the mouthpiece with a hand and it stays like that for a long time before Lance says, sudden in his ear, "Justin will be ok."

Chris knows Lance tells himself that ten or twenty times a day. He hates himself even more. And knows coward, coward that he can't do anything and so he says, "I'm sure he will" and hangs up fast.

He's left with the taste of bitterness and self-hatred in his mouth before he dials his sister. He knows she'll make him feel better worse.


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