NSYNC's bodyguards were a little too good, Chris reflected when he opened his door the next morning to find Justin standing there, questions in his eyes.
His lover made no mention of the fact that Chris had been on the roof the night before, but he clung to Chris for the whole day. The others were equally worried. They hovered around him like anxious mothers, hardly joking at all.
Chris told them repeatedly that he was all right - in a tone that clearly said he wasn't. He was still in shock over the news, too much so to really care what the others thought. Although it was kind of nice to have their concern and comfort, he admitted to himself, wrapped up in a Justin blanket.
"Aidàn," Chris whispered, squirming from the pain of another memory. Justin tightened his hold.
"Talk to me," he urged softly.
"Wish I could," was the quiet reply.
Justin watched tears spill from Chris' dark eyes. It broke his heart that his best friend, fellow prankster, lover and personal hero couldn't trust him. Chris hadn't tried to go up to the roof again, but he hadn't said anything more about why Aidan would be worth killing himself over, either.
"Always," he assured him. "Anything you need to say, I'll be here."
A long silence stretched between them. Justin felt his chest get wetter. Chris felt the pain fighting to get out. Finally, before he could blurt something out, he pushed away and rolled off the couch.
"Be in my bunk," he mumbled.
Justin gave up trying not to cry.
"Hello?"
"Dain," Chris answered woodenly.
"Christopher?" The Elven greeting startled his mother fully awake. "What's wrong, honey?"
In a flood of Elven so soft no one in the bus could hear him, he told her. He told her about Aidan, he told her about Robin, and he told her his friends' fears. He didn't have to tell her why he couldn't tell them the truth.
If it had simply been that he spoke Elven, could travel to Avalon in his dreams and was likely to live till well into his third century, Chris wouldn't have had any problem. The statement, "Guys, I'm half elf" would have come out whenever he felt it was appropriate. Not that it was the kind of thing that came up in casual conversation anyway.
However, despite being abandoned by his father, Chris' mother had never entirely let go of the elfin culture and beliefs. The rest of NSYNC would have been surprised to know they were all familiar with the tune of the elfin morning prayer. Chris hummed it at odd times when things were going particularly well, or particularly badly. They thought of him as the member who "wasn't very religious" and left it at that.
He didn't mind celebrating Christmas or Easter with the guys, they were both magical times if celebrated for the right reasons. And the hymns were almost as gorgeous as his own prayers. But sometimes he tried to imagine Lance's reaction if he invited them to sing in the Solstice with him. Wondered what Justin would say if he knew that the lullaby Chris sometimes sang to him invited Ashkala to bless him. What kind of response would "Keep it down you fuckers, it's a full moon and I'm trying to meditate?" get him?
Chris listened to his mother's sympathetic words and tried not to feel so alone.
It happened at the circle of power just before the show.
"Ok guys," Anthony began, "Just to let y'all know, we have one more lost soul to pray for on this tour. Everybody say hi to Robin."
"Hi Robin," several people sing-songed before the giggles started.
Robin gave a half-wave. "Dain." Her greeting was soft and probably sounded like a mumbled "Hi."
"Robin here is a present to Chris from Dani. Y'all play nice with her and if you're brave, protect her from her boss." More laughter and a few catcalls. "All right. Settle down and listen up."
Lance bowed his head and led the prayer. At first, with his head bowed and the prayer to focus on, Chris could almost ignore Robin's presence. But as everyone echoed the final "Amen" and broke up, Chris was left standing with the Elven "Aer'i" ringing in his ears. For better or worse, his elf half had come home to roost.