The inexplicable, burning need to know Robin's secret had dissipated, leaving Chris nearly shaking with anger and guilt. He needed time to process what had just happened. What he didn't need was Justin coming to sit on the edge of his bunk, silently waiting for answers. With Justin, "silent" didn't mean "easily ignored". When he rolled away, turning his back to his friend, Justin decided to open his mouth.
"She's pretty upset."
Chris curled tighter into himself, knowing it wasn't going to do any good.
"I ain't never seen nobody work themselves up like that. And hey, I work with Lance."
Briefly, Chris considered sticking his fingers in his ears.
"She's choking, she's so upset."
Chris gave in. "I know, Justin."
"Then I guess you know you can't tell me this was just FuMan stuff."
"Please, not now."
"When? I've been sitting back, not saying anything, for weeks. Meanwhile, she won't take her eyes off you. She's your shadow. Only times I don't see her are onstage and in our room. At first I figured I'd wait out the month, you'd send her back to Dani. Then, you started making nice with her. Now... did she hit on you?"
The idea was so ludicrous, Chris barked out a laugh.
"Think hard before you say no, Chris. 'Cause if you don't come up with a pretty good explanation..."
Chris rolled over. "Justin. Stop it. She's going to be around for a long time, you'd better get used to her. I was a complete asshole to her, she doesn't need your shit on top of it."
Justin stared at him, open-mouthed.
"She doesn't want me, I don't want her. You've got no reason to be jealous. We haven't slept apart, except on the bus, in weeks." Seeing the anger in his lover's eyes, Chris softened his tone. "I need you, Justin. I need you to not question this. Not now."
Justin's jaw clenched, his lips drawn into a thin, hard line. "Fine," he half-snarled, before stalking away. Chris heard something crash and sighed.
Things had been going so well. Robin was starting to adapt a little, and the others had been less hostile to her. Now, everything was going to hell in a handbasket. And Chris couldn't explain anything. Robin could make up whatever lies she wanted or needed to about herself, but Chris couldn't lie about elves and Justin wasn't going to accept an explanation from anyone else.
The image of Robin's face, taut and pale with effort swam before him, and Chris knew things were going to get harder before they got easier. Why had he wanted to know so badly? Until a few days ago he couldn't have cared less what she did with herself. And what was worth so much to her that she'd been willing to pay the price of defying him? Chris didn't know a hell of a lot about spells, not having the power to do any, but any geas was powerful stuff. Robin couldn't not defend him. She couldn't leave him. If Chris got injured, she'd feel the same pain. If he died...
But she'd fought it for a few seconds, more than fought it, succeeded in getting the words out. He'd pushed her that far. He'd caused that pain. Robin hadn't done anything she wasn't forced to. None of this was her fault, her choice. For a moment, Chris had become everything he'd most hated about his elfin heritage.
Chris knew what he had to do to avoid becoming that again.
Normally, Chris snuck away to say the evening prayer. It never took long, all he needed to do was go for a walk, find a window and pretend to hum absently as he sang softly in Elven. After that night's show, he sat cross-legged on the carpet of their room, letting the moonlight wash over him. He waited until he knew Justin had entered the room, steeled himself, then opened his mouth and sang:
Another day is over, Mother of mothers.
Thanks be for the blessings of this day.
I beseech You, Arbitress, forgive me my transgressions.
As the sky bears witness I will strive to set them right.
Give me strength, greatest of warriors.
Arm me with courage and the sword of Truth.
Gentle Mother, grant that following your wisdom
Will bring me peace and the promise of Your love.
Bless this night Ashkala, Your faithful servant asks You,
Now and forever till the end of the hills.
Chris sighed as he stood, almost forgetting that Justin was in the room. It had been a long time since he had been able to sit and pray the way he had been taught. The resulting sense of well-being was refreshing. When he turned to see Justin staring at him, his fear returned.
Emotions warred over Justin's face, a sense of reverent awe, clouded with confusion and a hint of anger. Chris repeated his plea of earlier. "I need you, Justin. I need you to understand."
"Chris..." Justin almost whispered. He sounded a little afraid. "Did she teach you that?"
"My mother taught me that," he answered quietly, fighting to hold Justin's gaze instead of looking at the carpet. "For thirty years, I've sung that almost every night."
"I don't get it."
The bed lay between them. It could have been the Grand Canyon.
"You all are so Christian, J." He hadn't known how much it would hurt to say the words aloud. "I was too scared to tell you."
"That was a prayer?"
Chris nodded.
"And you thought we wouldn't be okay with that? You thought that I wouldn't be okay with that?" Justin grabbed the nearest available object - a pillow, thankfully - and hurled it at Chris' head. "God, Chris! What kind of assholes do you think we are?"
Chris sidestepped the pillow easily, letting Justin rant.
"None of us had any problem with you being gay... why would this be any different?"
"I'm older, I'm shorter, I'm gay...There's only so much I could expect from you." Chris was horrified to hear his voice crack. "The crucifixes, the prayers, thanking God at every award ceremony... you and your virginity kick... Don't lie to me Justin. Your faith means a lot to you."
"In case you hadn't noticed, we're not all the same brand of Christian, Chris."
"This is different," he insisted, stalling a little.
"How? How is it different?" Justin was yelling now, his face turning red.
"It's not a Christian faith. It's not even a human faith."
Chris watched the colour drain from Justin's face, but turned away before he could see any more.
"This is a joke, right?" It was an empty question. Justin knew him too well. "Chris?"
"I'm not a complete monster," he tried to joke. "I'm half human."
"What's..." he heard Justin take a deep breath. "What's the other half?"
"My father's an elf."
Silence as Justin processed the information. Chris waited to hear the door closing behind him. Instead, Justin asked another question.
"Aidan?"
"Yeah. Elf, too."
"Did you... did you go up there to pray?"
He nodded. Suddenly he was being assailed again. Justin rained blows onto his back with a pillows. "You didn't tell me. You couldn't tell me? I was so worried, and you were praying. I thought... God, Chris, I thought..." The pillow disappeared and Justin hugged him close from behind, shaking him. "Don't ever scare me like that again!"
Chris staggered as relief washed over him. Justin walked them backwards until they were sitting on the bed. "I've been afraid for so long. When Robin turned up, I thought about leaving, running somewhere she couldn't find me."
"Are you gonna tell me what's up with her now?"
"Having an emotional moment, here J."
"Ok, let's get this straight. Unless you tell me that you being an elf has something to do with cannabalism, or any other forms of me dying, I'm not going anywhere. And I'm pretty sure the rest of the guys won't be either." It was a little absurd being cuddled by someone ten years his junior, but it was a nice feeling nonetheless. "Now spill."
"It's a long story. Maybe I only want to tell it once."
"Chris..." Justin warned, rubbing his chin through Chris' hair.
"Short version? She's an elf. My father sent her. She didn't want to come here, but she's not allowed to leave. And... I really was an asshole to her today."
"Hmm." Justin seemed satisfied with this. He tipped backwards, forcing them both to lie on the bed. He rubbed circles over Chris' back. "Hey Chris?"
"Mmm?"
"You bein' an elf?"
With his head safely against Justin's chest, Chris rolled his eyes, anticipating the question. "Mmm hmm?"
"Explains a lot, don'cha think?"
"Robin is average height for an elf girl."
"Really? Never mind then."